Takeover

okay im sorry i havent bee keeping up with this thing its just that i have been doing more thinking that writting lately.

right now i dont know where my life is going. I know where i want it to go but i feel that is so far away but in my mind i feel its soo close that i can almost taste it i dont know. Things are just all over the place right now kinda like a just opened jigsaw puzzle that you dont know where to start and you cant find the damn corners.

I want to be a tour manager so bad like basically music is my life its the one thing that makes me happy (beside my friends). I love the feeling of being at shows i dont care that my friends really dont go anymore, maybe its just not their thing any more, but it still is mine. The feeling i have at shows hearing the music, singing along to the words with the band, and watching the band do what they love play the music. All those things basically take over my senses the feeling i get is hard to describe. I wish i could so people could understand me better but i cant you just have to be me or know what i am talking about to know.

Being with a band and being on the road is just a big dream of mine. I am not trying to boost my ego or anything but i fell that i could be a really good tour manager. I know when its time for work and time to have fun. I am very good under pressure and i can give and take orders very well. And if the band i was with ever needed help with anything i would be there for them. Becuase (hopefully) we would all get along so well that we would be like family.Really though thats what i need more friends that are family. And being on the road with them would prob be the happiest time of my life. I just want it to happen so bad it eats me up inside.

In other subjects i feel basically most of my friend have left me, well a good % of them did mary, justin, kristen, amelia, jenna (kinda). i wish i could go back to the old times i really do miss them all so much. they all played a big roll in who i am and i really just want them back as friends so bad. I keep trying to get back to the old ways with them but i get nothing back from them. Maybe i should give up. I really dont want to but i dont know what to do =(

That jigsaw puzzle of my life better start comming together soon or idk what i am going to do i might have a breakdown. I just need someone(s) or something to take over